When someone we care about shares something hard, our first instinct is often to help by fixing it. We offer advice, solutions or stories of our own. It comes from a good place, yet it can leave the other person feeling they haven't quite been heard.
One of the most important things I am learning in my psychotherapy training is the value of simply listening. Listening without rushing to fill the silence. Without fixing, and without judging.
When someone feels truly heard, something often settles. Like a loch on a still night, the surface calms and it becomes easier to see what lies beneath. People frequently find their own answers once they have the space to say things out loud.
This kind of listening isn't only for counsellors. Anyone can offer it. It might look like putting your phone away, asking an open question and letting the other person finish. It might mean saying “that sounds really hard” rather than “have you tried”.
It can feel like doing very little. In practice it is one of the most generous things we can give.
These reflections are general thoughts written during my training. They are not counselling or professional advice. If you are struggling, please speak to your GP or one of the services below.